While in my Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP) after I had self-harmed at my desk, what I found most shocking was that so many in my group had just come for help straight out of the hospital due to their own depression. Most adults in my group therapy had also attempted suicide and self-harm due to the stress and pressures of their jobs and their employers lack of understanding about depression, anxiety and panic attacks. Many suffer in silence at their desk afraid to talk to their HR or boss about what they were going through while struggling with their depression at work. All of us felt the stigma of mental illness if anyone in our offices knew or would find our & deep dark secret.

We would never get the promotion we deserved or looked at as the same person that the company could always count on ever again. We all seemed to have a similar common thread that tied us together. Depression. Self-harm. Low self-esteem. While looking around the room on my first day, I could not really believe where I was and how I got there. I had always prided myself for being such a strong and level headed person. While grateful to be alive and getting the help I so desperately needed, I still felt out of place being in the same room with the group.

Hearing the horror stories that others told about their own experience, made me even more confused. Wait. Stop it. It was really beginning to feel insane. We are all professionals, teachers, professors, stock brokers, Sr. Executives, Sales Managers, bloggers, actors, and artists. We all have talent or a special gift, we shouldn't be here! We all looked like leaders in our various fields. We were all at different levels of success and many were just ready to reach the brass bar while climbing their corporate ladders. We all were ranging in age from early twenties to our mid-sixties. So what was the trigger that set us off and that bought us all together. Where and when did we cross the line and give up on ourselves? How did we lose hope for our future? How did we lose pride and self-respect in ourselves?